BLAHHHH Day! Helping Hubby... Sorry me!

I am having a BLAHHHHHH day! I am either fighting some sort of nasty sick off or my allergies are in full swing today... can't tell which one yet... I'm praying allergies...

My loving hubby woke me up as usual, gently... trying to get me out of bed.... I didn't budge... in fact... I'm pretty sure I kinda yelled at him about pushing his elbows in my back in the middle of the night.... I was ROTTEN this morning.... He went about getting the household going and would come back and check on me.... I grumped that I had a sore throat and I was achy all over... He stayed chipper and moved my totally NOT a morning person, daughter onto her morning routine.... I finally asked him if he would mind making her lunch and taking her to school.... Now in order for him to do this he would have to delay his departure to work... he makes his own hours somewhat so it isn't like his boss would be waiting wondering where he was... BUT he does like to get in early so he can get out early and be home with us... Anyways, my sweet, even in the face of a REALLY GRUMPY, totally NASTY, you so don't want to be around, wife.... my sweet hubby said "sure I can do that." Now did I get all gooey inside and snap out of my rotten mood and say thank you...NOPE! I pulled the covers over my head and tried to go back to sleep..... But instead of taking the gracious help offered I decided the world inside my house could just not go on without me driving it... So I would scream down at my husband and daughter at different points.... I couldn't let them REALLY help me... which is all they REALLY wanted to do. Instead of just letting the dark cloud be over me... I tried my darnedest to make them feel it too!

I love you Kev.... thank you for your help and understanding this morning... I am so sorry I made it tough for you..... I was wrong.... and I behaved in a pretty ungrateful way.

Manda..... thank you for doing your job this morning and getting yourself ready for school... thanks for helping Daddy and being considerate to me. Thank you for not whining at me even though I know you wanted to crawl back in bed too. I am sorry I was so grumpy... I love you so much and can't wait to see you sing tonight... I know you will be great!

Bad mood and all... I did learn something... a lesson I wish I could say I hadn't had the opportunity to learn before... but I have... MANY times... I hope it sticks today... I learned that no matter how dark it seems... it is just temporary... the dark skies will clear... you will feel better.... and if your lucky, like me, you will have the help of others to get you through it... but even if there is no one there... or seems like there is no one... GOD is there! God will get you through it and pull you out the other side showing you something about yourself you didn't know.... gently nudging you to make changes... do better the next time... be aware of the affect you have on the world around you and the people in your life. Just make sure you don't miss it, like I did this morning, God was with me... trying to help... he gave me everything I needed, he nudged my hubby and my daughter to be there for me and I wouldn't let them... In short... I turned God's helping hand down this morning.... Crazy I know... I mean I half accepted it... but I bet I'd be feeling a WHOLE lot better right now if I'd have just let go and let them really help me.

My prayer this morning:

God, man You are SO AWESOME! Even when I loose my focus on You, You are still there focused on me. Taking care of me.... holding me in Your loving hands. Endless Thank You's God... I am humbled at Your feet, I am sorry that I did not see You this morning, that I turned away from Your gracious help. I ask that You send me with reflection and growth. That You grant me the clarity I need to see You at work in my life. That I would be more receptive to Your help. In Jesus name, Amen.

Reflecting on this morning I realize... I'm out of sync.... This morning I put God on the back burner again.... I haven't been listening to Him, He has been right there and I have been too blind to see.... But you know what? I also realize... that even when I have Him on the back burner, which is of course no place for Him to be.... He's still got me on His front burner... and He is totally tuned in and turned on and ready to be there for me! And at the same time.... He's got YOU on another one of His front burners ready to be there for YOU, if only you let Him.

When in your life, has God extended his helping hand, and you have turned it down?

In the stove of your life... what burner do you have God on?

What CANDY are YOU?

If you were a candy... what would you be? This deep thought came to me in the grocery store check out lane... I know too much time there... Anyway... The candy that most accurately describes me is a Laffy Taffy.... WHY? Well funny you should ask... Okay so you didn't REALLY ask... but I'm going to tell you anyways!

Hard & Chewy - I can be kinda hard and chewy... a little difficult to take sometimes

Gets Stuck in Your Teeth - With all my quirks and stuff I can be a little hard to take at times... maybe even a little annoying

Cumbersome - Eating a Laffy Taffy is a little difficult... not the most graceful of things... much like me... I can be a little coordinationally challenged... I bump into things... stumble over invisible items (nothing) in my path... Not quite the picture of gracefulness

Stretchy - I am stretchy... this happens to be something I actually like about myself... I am always looking for ways to grow... to learn... to become a better me...

Tangy - Another good thing (I think)... I have spunk and passion... I will work tirelessly for something I believe in or someone I care about.

So what are you and why?

Frazzled Mommy + Thoughtful Daughter

Yesterday my daughter and I were on our way home returning from an afternoon of errands.... capped off by the dreaded trip to Party City to shop for a costume.... as it was the SECOND store we had been to and she was so NOT happy that we didn't find something at the first. I was a frazzled mommy... We were finally successful after trying on several different costumes... she had happily selected a pink leopard like kitty costume... a kitty with a little sass... quite fitting for her... loves animals and at times has a little sass... it really is a great costume. But I was stressin'... we had to go through 3 costumes once she had made her choice. Because, as any mommy knows... costumes are not put together with the greatest of care... it seems the little hand slips (for lack of a better word) were quite difficult to get right for the manufacturer. So we had to pry 3 different sets from those icky plastic costume bags and check each item for flaws. Not fun... and truly not successful... after going through 3 and finding a fault in all 3 bags... (I know, it seems an easy solution to just piece together a perfect set... I shared this view with the store helper and she said it was not an option). So we gave up... We took the least faulty pink kitty costume and headed out.

Frazzled as I was, we were almost home, but was I planning down time? NOPE, I was already ticking off my to do list (To Do List Tami attack, I know). And then she got to me... My daughter is in the Chorus at her school... she has been practicing ALOT... she even has a CD they gave her with the music on it to help her practice... she likes this played in the car ALL THE TIME!... I must admit... I have been tuning it out a little... I detest repetition in certain things... Anyways, frazzled mommy + daughter practicing = A song comes on that I've heard her sing at least 100 times so far... she leans over a bit on my side and says "Mom, I have a secret.... when I get older... if I become a famous singer like I want to... I am going to sing this song on stage and dedicate it to you." Before she even finished talking I was BAWLING... the song was "You Raise Me Up"... My daughter is a pre-teen... her behavior often shows that.. she is struggling to figure out where she fits in what she sees as the line between childhood and adulthood that she now stands on... this can cause great difficulties in having sweet moments I have grown accustomed to with her.... she is often trying to push away and show me how much she DOESN't need me... and here she was telling me she dedicated THAT song to me.... Oh my! What a gift..... That song has always been special to me for different reasons... but now.... MAJOR special... I can see myself in the future, when she isn't being so sweet to me, listening to that song and remembering her words... Big gift! I will never forget that moment... In that moment... God nudged her to reveal her heart to me and she "raised me up."

You Raise Me Up

When I am down, and Oh my soul, so weary;

When troubles come and my heart burdened be;

Then I am still and wait here in the silence,

Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;

I am strong... when I am on your shoulders;

You raise me up, to more than I can be.

Insecurity = The ENEMY's TOOL

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." ~Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

I was at my small group yesterday when this thought popped into my head... I jotted it down so I wouldn't forget: Insecurity is the Devil's tool. He uses it to make us doubt ourselves...

Why? Well I think because IF he can create that doubt we are far less likely to be secure in the fact that we have been chosen by God to make a significant difference in the world around us. And if we don't believe THAT we are limited in what we can do for God's Kingdom.

I am insecure about some things.... but this morning as I felt a nudge to post about insecurity and a light bulb went off... Feeling insecure is situational... when I am home I am pretty secure in who I am... but put me out in public and I battle with feeling different or just not good enough in this way or that. Realizing that, to me anyways, SCREAMS confirmation that my insecurities are the work of the ENEMY! The enemy wouldn't really care if I was insecure at home.... but when I am out in public... connecting with people.... KAZOW! Right when I am focused on serving God I get socked in the heart and my breath gets taken away because the enemy has slammed his hammer into me. And then I start to doubt my EVERYTHING! Instead of being the full me that God created... I start to feel small and insignificant... I start to feel not good enough, not strong enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough.... Just NOT enough! And in those moments, if I give into the enemy's hammering blows I loose my effectiveness... If I allow myself to fill up with doubt I am not thinking about how to help others or how to serve God.

Insecurity certainly doesn't come from God, He says that we are significant, chosen by Him, that He is pleased with us, and PROUD of us. He didn't put these insecurities in my head. So this morning I am looking at insecurity in a new way... as a tool of the enemy, the hammer that pounds me down and makes me small, if I let it. When I do this, it puts it all in perspective... I will not give in to the enemy's attempts to pull me down and distract me by loosing myself in insecurity... to the contrary... in those moments where I feel the enemy working on my psyche... I am going to focus on God... and the fact that while I may not absolutely love everything about me yet... God does... In Ephesians 2:10 it says that we are "God's workmanship" (NIV) "God's masterpiece" (NLT) we are His works of art.... His passion come to life.... If I cannot recognize that and believe that... what am I really saying to God?

Have you ever questioned an artist's work? WHOA... not a pretty thought... Imagine questioning the ultimate most awesome of all artists, God, about His work.... US, you and me.... Not something I want to do anytime soon. But you know when we question ourselves and let insecurity take over, that is exactly what we are doing. Questioning God and letting the enemy's hammer distract us from the purpose God has for us.

Insecurities are about as useful as trying to put the pin back in the grenade. ~Brandon Boyd

REALLY Bad Day!

And "don't sin by letting anger control you." Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. ~ Ephesians 4:26-27

Yesterday I had a horrible, rotten, no good, very bad day! After a wonderful service at Flamingo Road Church, Kevin began to feel sick again... About noon, he began to vomit and have the dreaded diarrhea again. I was sure he would end up in the hospital again. He had some pain.. but not the level of last week when he was hospitalized. But I was bracing myself for it.

Now I just posted about the remodel mess... so ya know my house was a wreck which was in turn making me a wreck. Dust was everywhere.. not your normal dust... MAJOR big time, have to dust the house and mop the floor 5 times just to BEGIN to get it clean, DUST! Kevin was sick again... and now on top of the messy house, I was worried about him AND I was once again saddled with all of my responsibilities AND his too! And then he tells me....
HE STOPPED TAKING HIS ANTIBIOTICS!
He was supposed to have finished them this past Sunday... but he stopped on TUESDAY! I had even asked him Friday was he due to finish on Sunday? Did he tell me then that he had stopped? NOPE! Silly me I probably worded the question wrong and he answered the question leaving out the fact that he might have been due to finish them but he had stopped early. (I asked him if he minded me sharing this all with you and he said he didn't but he wanted me to include that he stopped taking them because they were making his stomach do flip-flops and giving him diarrhea.) Now I understand antibiotics are just no fun... but to STOP? Oh my!

Lets just say I was FUMING MAD at him! But I couldn't let that out because I was worried about him and I KNEW he felt awful! And the fact that I couldn't let it out was just driving me crazy and the more I cleaned, the angrier I got. When I had to walk the dogs (usually his job) in the afternoon, I was royally PISSED OFF! I know, not good, but if I'm going to be authentic its the TOTAL TRUTH!

I gathered myself together enough to head over to my neighbor's house just as I felt sure I was going to loose it and scream and yell at Kevin and Amanda. I sat with my neighbor for a while. She is such a wise woman and much farther along in her walk with God than I am. She said something to me... She thought that the reason Kevin and I were going through all these rough times lately was because we were getting "too close" to Jesus and the enemy was throwing everything he had at us trying to make us loose focus. When she said it, I knew she was right but in that moment I couldn't immediately take it in and use it. I had prayed throughout the day to get through it all. And she prayed with me too. Our talk and prayers and a little love from her cat Dodger, helped me get through that hour... I came home with renewed energy... got back to cleaning the house... Oh I was still angry... but I was at least not going to explode.

Later in the evening I processed it all... this calm hit me.... and I started laughing. And I got this feeling inside myself, it was defiance and anger and happiness all rolled into one. Perhaps she was right.. maybe it was the enemy fighting hard to distract me. I tossed my head in the air and said "bring it on, you are not going to get me" and then I thanked Jesus for helping me through it... I pictured God talking to Satan, saying "you can throw whatever you will at Tami... For she is mine, I have faith in her and I am well pleased." MAN that thought made me feel AWESOME!

You know the thing I realize... since I have begun living my life walking with God.. bad things do still happen... I get mad, sad, frustrated just like I used to... those reactions haven't stopped... but you know what? Before knowing God... those reactions to negative situations consumed me... much like they did in that hour when I spoke to my neighbor... but instead of eating at me for an hour or so they consumed me ALL DAY! Sometimes even still the NEXT DAY! Now it still gets to me... but it passes so FAST... and my anger, frustration or sadness is replaced with this amazing sense of peace and serenity!

MAN GOD IS GOOD!

"Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace." ~ Anonymous

Remodeling Your Life

My home, my comfy cozy love to be there home, is in chaos! We are remodeling... doing it all ourselves to save big bucks.. but that means it is going REALLY slow and there is dust EVERYWHERE! I mean you just walk in the house and feel dusty yourself... YUCK! I know I should've expected it.. and I did to some extent.. but I didn't think it would be this BAD!

I have a secret... well I think of it as a secret... but really I think anyone that is around me long enough figures it out... I am a little OCD. Not like that TV show MONK... but I sooooo get him. I am OCD about my house and cleaning. You see when my house gets messy it makes ME feel messy and chaotic on the inside. I can't really function as I normally do and I turn into a person I don't like at all. I race around frantically trying to put my house back in order. Neurotically cleaning everything and pretty much being a totally not fun person to be around. Just clear out... cause Tami is having a grade A, major big time, you SO want to steer clear of, cleaning temper tantrum. Sometimes there are even tears involved (mine)! I know it's silly... I'm working on it.. I PROMISE!

Anyways, all this mess and not being able to get away from it has made me think... now, follow me here...
Remodeling ANYTHING, your house.. your life, starts with a pretty picture in your head of the end result... You pick out the areas to fix that are going to take something that was once drab or inefficient and make it wonderful, useful and significant. Then comes the hard part... the work... the mess... the cleaning up. Really remodeling is only fun in that beginning stage where you figure out what you want to do and then in the end when its all over and you can step back and say "Man that is awesome... I did it!" The rest is just plain old HARD WORK! You can't do it without getting dirty and really digging in.

I realize that I am working on 2 remodels, my house and my life.. me... In order to get to through it I have to work... and have faith that I will eventually get there... after a lot of effort and energy and planning, seeking guidance and comfort from GOD, I will make it through all this dust and mess and come out the other side refreshed, renewed and far happier than I could ever imagine.. With God at the helm I know it can happen... I just have to be ready to do the work and cope with the dust and the mess. All the while knowing that it is part of a plan and the end result will be spectacular!

The best way out is always through. -- Robert Frost

AMAZING First Wednesday!

I almost don't want to blog about this because there is just no way to REALLY describe what went down last night at FRC. But I have to try! I knew starting out that the night would be special because the new baptismal would be opening after the service... but I simply had NO clue it was going to be so TOTALLY INCREDIBLE! Kev and I always laugh after services because we always find ourselves saying "Wow that was amazing... I mean it's always amazing... but that was REALLY amazing" Without fail that happens every time we attend service...but I'm telling you...

LAST NIGHT WAS TOTALLY... INCREDIBLY... LIFE CHANGING... WANT TO MAKE YOU JUMP UP AND SCREAM... AMAZING!

I sat there and watched Pastor Troy on that stage deliver the most powerful aligning pep talk I have ever heard... I had to make a conscious effort to remain seated and not stand up and scream... "I believe in the VISION... I believe in you... I am ready to be a rock... I can hold your hands up if you are tired."

I serve in the First Impressions Ministry at FRC... I currently serve at the 411 booth 2 times a month and at the SOURCE 2 times a month as well as help out 1 day during the week... After last night.... I'm looking to find ways to do more... I am praying, asking God to show me how... where.... etc. I don't yet know what that will mean... but I am ready... Man am I READY!

I found it so hard to wind down last night... and I woke up with the same fire burning inside of me... I am so glad that God brought me to FRC! My life has changed radically in the last year.... last October we walked through the doors of FRC for the very first time after spending months watching services on TV... That instant we began changing... my faith has grown... my marriage is worlds better than it was... I am happier than I have ever been... I feel connected to people like I never have before... I just can't say enough!

I know it will happen in God's time... but I do feel that nudge inside of myself... I am not sure what my role in all of this is... but I do feel that I have one.... we all do!

Just Call Me To Do List Tami

I am a task master, I often race through life checking off my to do list... by doing that I become almost robotic, going through each task... never finding joy in the journey.

I wake up each day with a to do list in my head that is in no way possible to complete... But I try... I would to like to tell you that my to do list is filled with important stuff for God's Kingdom... sure that stuff is there but its mostly filled with silly stuff that truly doesn't matter... sure it is necessary to do laundry, grocery shop, clean, cook for the family etc.... but does it all HAVE to get done today? With Martha Stewart perfection?

I always start out my day planning time with God... but He ends up on the bottom of my to do list and I squeeze Him in when I am too tired to really open myself up to what He may be trying to show me. I certainly have good intentions... But my to do list is always screaming in my head and I think to myself... well if I could just get this done or that done THEN I can really sit down and have some quality time with God and I won't have to worry about my to do list. But you know what? That just doesn't work.... I need quality time with God and He needs quality time with me.

I know why I let the to do list take center stage in my life... I like to feel that I have accomplished something. If I clean the house, I can stand back and say YEAH I did it... I can see the difference I have made that moment. Time with God and time making a Kingdom difference may not always be that visible immediately... but you know what I just realized? If I practice patience (something else I struggle with) I will eventually be able to see that I have done something worthwhile.... and that feeling will be wayyyyyyyyy better than the feeling I get after cleaning the house.

I'm going to be making God my top priority every day... I am human... so I don't know if I will be able to accomplish it EVERY day... but I'm going to add it to the list of my daily prayers... That I not get lost in the little mundane chores in my life and forget to take the time to connect with God.